DISCLAIMER - Highlander and its characters is the copyright of Rysher and Panzer/Davis Productions and no infringement is intended. The story, such as it is, is copyright Karen Colohan February 2000.
For Margaret - I trust you've learned your lesson now! ;-)
A MUSE SCORNED
by Karen Colohan
"You know, Methos, I think you were right. She is ignoring us. I was brooding for at least an hour yesterday and she didn't once come to see what it was all about."
"Yeah, well, I can't say I blame her for that. The sight of you brooding is enough to put anyone off their lunch, so that's hardly conclusive."
"Well, thank you for your support..."
"Don't mention it, Mac. I won't. There definitely is something wrong, though. I just daubed myself with chocolate sauce and romped three times round her bedroom - naked! Normally that's guaranteed to get her reaching for the pen and paper, but she didn't bat an eyelid. It was like I wasn't even there. I think we've been dumped - and for what? Now she's consorting with a bunch of bloody demons and vampires. I ask you, it's just so passe."
"So says the man who's 5,000 years old... But this is serious, Methos."
"Well, obviously - I mentioned the words chocolate sauce and me, naked all in the same sentence and you're just sitting there. If there were any justice in the world you'd have me on the floor and be screwing me senseless by now!!"
"Can we just forget your overactive libido for a moment, old man."
"Easy for you to say, you're not the one with a hard on the size of..."
"All right, all right!"
"It is serious and we have to figure out what we're going to do about it. I mean, she has all these stories in progress. What happens to us if she doesn't finish them?"
"I don't know and I'm not sure I want to find out. For crying out loud, does that mean I could be stuck behaving like a kid in that Teddy Bear story of hers? I won't even get to have sex... or a beer! Oh no, I refuse to do it for another moment!"
|"I hadn't noticed the difference, actually."
"Oh very droll, thank you for those words of wisdom, Daddy. I think maybe I will go and do that spot of fingerpainting on your fridge after all..."
"Why not stamp your foot and scream while you're at it! You do spoilt brat so well."
"OK, MacLeod, there's clearly more to this than you're telling me. Come on, spill it, what's got your knickers in a knot?"
"I really do think you're taking this whole kiddy-speak thing too far now! But you're right; I am a bit upset. At least you feature in these stories of hers - finished or not. She hasn't even had an idea for one where I'm the main character in ages!"
"You're just not pushy enough, Mac. You don't ask you don't get with this one. But I don't really see you have much to complain about. At least you don't get Kronos trying to muscle in on your stories all the time."
"Well he's not my brother. And you shouldn't have left Alexa alone..."
"Excuse me, stop right there!! Let's just refresh our memories here... Whose neck was I trying to save when I left her? Oh yes, yours - again - there's a surprise!"
"All right, point taken."
"Good! And before you complain about anything else remember that you got a trip to South Africa out of her. None of your run of the mill Paris and Seacouver stuff. And the last I heard you were in the middle of a major angst- fest, too. So I don't think you've got too much to moan about."
"Well, the South Africa thing was hardly an exclusive and, in case you've forgotten, your friend wanted to kick me out."
"You should have just played nice and there'd have been no trouble. But no, you had to do the whole jealousy thing... just because I got my own OMC."
"Well, she's never given me an OMC to play with."
"One Scottish barbarian is enough for anyone to have to deal with!"
"Look, Methos, enough! This arguing isn't getting us anywhere. We have to work together on this."
"Well, I tried, MacLeod. If chocolate-covered Immortal doesn't do it for her any more then I don't know what will."
"So that's it? 5,000 years old and the best you can come up with is to run around naked and covered in chocolate sauce? And I thought you were supposed to be the strategist. So, if Kronos didn't want you for your mind..."
"Don't even think about going there, Mac."
"Well try and come up with a better plan!"
"Why does it always have to be me? I'm sure this is your fault, anyway. You've been so moody and unco-operative lately I'm not surprised she's gone elsewhere. There is a limit to the appeal of 'brooding Scot'."
"And I'm not sure that 'smartass old man' ever had any appeal in the first place!"
"You didn't say that when you pinned me to the bed within about five minutes of meeting me!!"
"Yeah, yeah, this isn't helping; I know the drill. Dammit, I just want things back to normal around here!"
"So think of something."
"Wait, I've got it..."
"What? And I hope it doesn't involve chocolate sauce in any way!"
"No, we'll just look it up in the Fanfic Writer Handbook. I'm sure there must be a chapter on what to do when your Writer gets seduced by another set of muses - especially if she won't even entertain the idea of a crossover."
"Hey, that's a great idea. Why didn't I think of that?"
"Do I really need to answer that question, MacLeod? So, where is it then?"
"Don't you have it?"
"I thought you had it."
"So much for that brilliant idea then, Methos!"
"Hey, why is it always my fault?"
"Doesn't he ever use the door?"
"Just keep out of this, MacLeod!"
"Is this what you were looking for?"
"The Handbook - what are you doing with that?"
"I've been sorting out our spot of Writer trouble. I decided that actions speak louder than words."
"I don't think I like the sound of this..."
"Don't worry, MacLeod, I've solved our little problem and I didn't even have to poison the water supply to do it."
"What have you done then?"
"Well, I used this to knock out all those upstart vampires while they were sleeping away the daylight hours. And I always knew that submarine base in Bordeaux would come in handy again. So I put them in the cages I'd left there and told Silas they were a new species of monkey. He's going to look after them and make sure they don't escape."
|"I'm sure they'll all be very happy together, but what do you
get out of this, Kronos?"
"Pack your bags, Methos, we have a date with your mortal friend - Alexa, that's her name, isn't it - in Athens."
"Mac, do something!"
"What's the matter, Methos? Everything's back to normal now. I thought that's what you wanted."
"You call this normal? I'm just about to be abducted by Kronos!"
"Have a nice time, then. Send me a postcard from Athens. I have to go and stop Adam from fingerpainting my fridge."
The End (thank God!!)
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