DISCLAIMER - Anyone who cares to claim ownership of this confused lot is quite welcome to do so. Whatever else may be going on around here, definitely no money is being made. The story... *cough* *cough* is copyright Karen Colohan, October 2002


*flick* *flick* "You know, I think I must be having an identity crisis." *flick* *flickflickflick*

"What? What's wrong, Lex?"

"Lex... L.E.X...."

"Yeahhhh... Rhymes with sex." *leers* "Tell me what's up, Lex."

*sniggers* "Stupid question, Clark..." *frowns* "That is, if you really are Clark."

"Of course I'm Clark. Who else would I be? Well, except when we play those games..." *leans forward* *sniffs* "Have you been drinking? Or have you been buying from Toby again?" *disapproving* "You promised you wouldn't!"

"Clark, Clark, relax! I'm not drunk; I'm not high. I'm just... confused."

"Confused?" *worried* "You're not having doubts about your sexuality now, are you?"

"Hell, no! That sweet ass of yours is mine, farm boy!" *pats the ass in question*

"Thank God! You had me worried there for a moment. So what is this all about? Tell me, Lex."

"Who am I, Clark?"

"Um, I'm not sure I'm ready for one of those big philosophical discussions, Lex."

"Clark..."

"Okay, but that's a really silly question."

"Humour me."

"All right then... You're Lex Luthor - billionaire businessman, party animal, debaucher of innocent farm boys..." *grins* "Any arguments so far?"

"Farm boy singular, Clark."

*blushes* "Awwwww, that's so sweet... Um, yeah, right... Anything else?"

"I don't know, Clark, I don't know." *flourishes sheaf of papers* "Take a look at this."

*scans papers* "What is this stuff, Lex? It's... weird." *reads further* "Adam?" *continues* "What?! Adina? Who the fuck is Adina?"

"Language, Clark... And frankly, I have no idea."

*sharp look* "Lex... are you sure there isn't something you're not telling me?"

*reminiscent smile* "Well, there was this one club I... Um, but that's a whole other story." *clears throat* "No, nothing, but... Clark, this is me! Look at the pictures."

"I'm looking... That is you... Well, that or your twin sister... er, brother, I mean."

"Christ!"

"What?"

"You think this is confusing, Clark? Well, take a look at this one." *hands over more papers* "I think you're gonna love this..."

*reads avidly* "Lex..."

"Yes, Clark?"

"Who is this Tom Welling, guy?"

"Apparently he's your doppelganger... or you're his. I actually have no idea how this works."

"I think I'm confused, Lex."

*snorts* "Where have I heard that before?"

"Jeez, Lex... Rosenbaum? What the heck kinda name is that?"

"I have no idea, but apparently he... I, have good taste in men." *grins* *holds up photo*

"Oh..."

"Yeah, oh."

*faintly* "Nice jacket."

*leers* "Seems like a farm boy by any other name is just as cute."

"Hm... Y'know, I think I like you with hair... I don't suppose you'd consider a wig, would you?"

"Clark, I was a natural redhead - and I mean red - what do you think?"

"Oh, so that accounts for all those freckles in... interesting places. Mm, but I think you'd look kinda cute as a blonde..." *waves photo* "... Lexa."

"Fuck you, Clark!"

*primly* "Language, Lex."

"I am going to spank your ass until you can't sit down!"

"Ooooh, I'm scared." *wiggles said ass* "So was that Rosenbaum... or Rosybum?"

*groans*

"Y'know, I think this whole identity crisis thing could be fun, Lex. Adds a whole new dimension to playing with yourself..."

*snorts* "Speak for yourself, Clark. You're not the one trying to cover your assets with a scrap of red silk!"

"What? Oh my... you are a big boy... er, girl... whatever!"

*growls* "Being cute does not make you invulnerable, Clark."

*mutters* "That's what you think..."

"Clark? Clark!! Clark, get your ass back here and explain that remark right now! Clark..."


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